Finding Freedom Day 45: If I Could Turn Back Time

Sonnet 29, Shakespeare

"When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,

I all alone beweep my outcast state, 

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,

And look upon myself, and curse my fate, 

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, 

Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,

Desiring this man's art and that man's scope, 

With what I most enjoy contented least; 

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,

Haply I think on thee, and then my state, 

Like to the lark at break of day arising 

From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;

For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings

That then I scorn to change my state with kings."

This week, in an English class I was teaching, my students read Shakespeare's Sonnet 29 and rewrote it in their own words. Sonnet 29 is essentially about a guy whose displeasure with the outcome of his life, his fame, his fortune, his social status is outweighed by one true love.

"Haply I think on thee and then my state, like to the lark at break of day arising... For thy sweet loved remember'd such wealth brings." In the depths of my despair, I remember one moment, one person, on experience in my life that makes the trials and tribulations bearable. Not worth it, but bearable.

I understand the man who cries to heaven feeling as if his pleas fall on the deaf ears of God. There have been many moments in my life when I have wept, asking why I had to endure what I did or when I have questioned my blessing's delay. But as time passed, I learned that sometimes deep in the crevices of my pain lived opportunity and lessons which grew into gifts and rewards.

What would I change if I could change anything knowing what I know now? Nothing.

I truly believe everything happens for a reason. Tragedy and pain were stepping stones that led me to today.