My friends at Merriam-Webster say that to be vulnerable is to be open to attack, harm, or damage. Yet we often speak of vulnerability as if it is an asset to a successful relationship. To be vulnerable to your partner is to trust completely, to open yourself up, to expose yourself without reservation to another person.
How vulnerable am I?
In everyday situations and with regard to life experience, I am open to the possibilities without concern that the result might be attack, harm, or damage. I am open to learning and growing and willing to take risks. However, when it comes to relationships, I am quite the opposite.
I often wish that I had been the girl who married her high school sweetheart or who went away to college and met the man of her dreams. I wish my life had taken a more traditional path and that I had been the kind of girl whose life unfolded like a John Hughes film. I dream about what it might have been like to have a fairy tale ending to my love story.
But I was not that girl. I was the girl who tried to be vulnerable but who had really bad timing and wasn't the best at judging character. The risks I took were more like desperate moves in the hopes of just being loved a little. And the result was massive failure.
That's not to say I haven't had some good experiences because I have. But my willingness to open myself up to anyone or anything knowing the possibility is that I will get hurt has dwindled dramatically with age. I kind of need to know what is going to happen first... I look before I leap. Sometimes probably for a little too long... But, it is what it is. Right?
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